I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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