I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
