For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
