your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
