First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This house was built for laser tag.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
