On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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