I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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