So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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