Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
