the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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