I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
