Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
