So drunk its hurt
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
