After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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