He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
