farters have to be the big spoon...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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