What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
