She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
