K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
