he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
