hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
