Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
