Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
