dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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