Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?