I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
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i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.