hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
