I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.