just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize