I haven't been this sober since birth.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year