If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
