You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
