I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
