Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
