I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
this is an emotional support booty call
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
