he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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