she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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