My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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