i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we should paint friendship bongs
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