i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
