I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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