pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Randomize
