I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I need moral support for this bender
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
