He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
