I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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