remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
