I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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