My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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