You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
