either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
