new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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