id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
