My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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