I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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