Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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