Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When did angry sex become our thing?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
