When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
