I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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