A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
