Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
