It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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