The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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