This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
