Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just sucked dick on a ferry
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
last night I used snow as a chaser
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
