hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
