Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
