drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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