a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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