she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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