just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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