I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
its not stalking. its research.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
