I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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