I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
