Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
